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Grief Safe Place Forum Discussions General Delayed Grief

10/2/2008 10:11 PM

	Mary
2 posts

Delayed Grief (United States)

My name is Mary. I had a deaf cat with whom I identified that was diagnosed with advanced kidney disease. One week after Grace was diagnosed my hearing service dog, Camden, was diagnosed with inoperable tumors in one of his feet. I had two sick animals -- family members since I am single -- to take care of and make decisions for. Two weeks after Camden was diagnosed Grace died and Camden's tumors were found to be a particularly painful form of cancer. A month after that Camden joined Grace at The Rainbow Bridge when the pain became unmanageable. I can relate to the blog on delayed grief as well as several other blogs. Taking care of the animals at the same time and their deaths so close together made it difficult to grieve.

I decided this time around (Camden was my second hearing dog) to apply sooner for a successor dog and to my astonishment within two months, before I had completed the reapplication process, I was matched with another hearing dog and asked to go to training in three weeks. I thought perhaps the angels realized they gave me too much to handle and decided they'd better do something quick. It is unusual for even a successor dog match so soon. I turned to planning a trip from the Midwest to the East coast in the dead of winter and the excitement/mixed feelings of bonding with another dog within three months of losing the previous one. And then on the second day of training with the new dog I learned a very close Aunt died suddenly from a stroke. Given the demands of bonding and training with a service dog every day for more than a week there was no opportunity to start the grief process for my aunt much less continue to grieve the losses of Grace and Camden. I couldn't leave training to attend the funeral in another state. Returning home meant transferring the training to home and transitioning the new dog to a new environment, a good five week daily process. This past month, about 6 months later, as summer was turning to fall I found myself out of sorts, numb, feeling like jumping out of my skin, and distanced from the faith that usually sustains me. Thanks to a wise pastor and the grace of God it became clear that I hadn't finished the grieving process and needed to restart. I have been bolstered by the book "Don't Take My Grief Away and a workbook on grief that I have. Then I found this website. It has helped me to continue. I find delayed grief and multiple losses to be harder than my previous experiences with grief.,

10/5/2008 6:39 PM

	Doug
10 posts

Re: Delayed Grief (United States)

Mary.
Thanks for telling your story. I hope you get several responses from folks who also are experiencing complicated grief. Keep in touch

10/6/2008 11:24 PM

	Mary
2 posts

Re: Delayed Grief (United States)

Thanks, Doug. I hope so too. I often find when I disclose I'm deaf that it sets up a barrier, however: people often have a difficult time relating even though the experience may be very normal. The pet/service dog factor may also make it difficult. I posted knowing that; it would have been difficult to try and write around it. God talks to me in a still small "voice" like Elijah these days; maybe at best my experience will help someone else. It helped me just to describe it. I'm grateful for this website and your posts. Mary

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