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| I'm not sure how to live my life now. (N/A) |
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| We have lost two sons to suicide in the last 5 years. The first was our 16 year old less than 5 years ago. The second son died a year ago at age 25. I miss them both tremendously. Most days it feels like enough just to do the next small thing, but I would like to do more. I get ideas, but then I don't have the energy to follow through, or sometimes I try to do something and have to bail out. I accepted a less demanding job, closer to my home and I pray all the way to work for the strength to do the job. I receive what I need for my students, but I'm spent when I'm done. It scares me to think of doing things I used to do, like having the grandkids overnight, taking a vacation out of town, or going out to lunch with friends. My husband seems to be living his life pretty fully and I know he feels the losses just as much as I do, but that doesn't keep him from being active, social and helpful. Other than work and being with a few family members, it's easiest to be alone so that's often how I spend my spare time. Becky |
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| Re: I'm not sure how to live my life now. (Canada) |
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becky,
I am sorry to hear about the death of your two sons. I can not begin to imagine how much pain you must feel. The loss of one son is more than anyone should have to face, the loss of two is beyond anything that can be imagined.
Some thoughts on you lack of energy. There is a form of depression that does not just exemplify itself by feeling blue, it also causes us to have no feelings, to be emotionally flat, like we are out of our bodies watching ourselves go through motions but we are not engaged emotionally in the process. This leaves us emotionally drained and very tired. Our "want to's" are broken so it is hard to get motivated to do anything more than we have to. In time, you feelings will return and you will care again. This will happen sooner if you do not blame your self for not feeling and just put one foot in front of he other until the ability to care returns.
Usually men are not as impacted by this as women because we are not as tied to or dependent upon our emotions to motivate us to action.
You will be in my thoughts.
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| Re: I'm not sure how to live my life now. (United States) |
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Becky,
I am so heart broken for you and how I honor that you are doing what you are able. In the big scheme of things, it hasn't been that long since you lost your second son. Don't be hard on yourself because you haven't been able to bounce back. You have had a tremendous loss, it is bound to take time.
Please remember that I am thinking of you. And I know there are other people who have read this entry who are thinking of you but haven't responded. WE ARE ALL PULLING FOR YOU. |
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