Jim Chastain died, and of course he died right at Christmas. What else would we expect after all he had been through? Not many reading this post will have ever heard of Jim, and that is too bad. He was more than worth knowing. He was more than just inspiring. He was more than just brave. He was more than just good. He was about the best of all of these of anyone I have known. His life, his struggle, and now his death brought me face to face with the never answered question of why. Since all of us must face times of questions with no answers maybe reading Jim’s story and my struggle will shine a small light into that darkness. Believe me the light seems rather small and dim right now.

Jim was a successful young lawyer living the American dream. Wife, LeAnn, children Maddye and Ford, established career, wonderful writer and poet, active and caring about others. The picture of a happy life. Then cancer hit like a bomb into this cozy bunker and suddenly Jim faced not just a battle but enough battles to constitute a war. A war he would ultimately lose. 

He lost an arm to the disease, and, of course, it was his right arm. The only time it is the left arm is when it involves left handed people. Do you glimpse a small note of cynicism there? I call it realism but who knows. 

The loss of the arm came after massive efforts with chemotherapy and radiation had failed. Even that did not stop the spread of cancer. It returned again and again. Jim was faced with the agony of treatments procedures that few could endure. 

So he wrote a book. The title itself reveals more about Jim and his indomitable spirit than anything I can write. The book was called I Survived Cancer, But Never Won the Tour De France. He did not have any connections to help him make contact with publishers so he self published the book and peddled it everywhere he could. The book is available through our on-line catalog at www.insightbooks.com. I hope everyone who reads this will order a copy. It is an inspiring read, it will give support to his family, and his story needs to be told. His web site contains much of the poetry he wrote and can be viewed at www.jimchastain.com.

When bad things happen to good people we are left to once again cry why. There was a time when I would have filled the air with platitudes and holy sounding rhetoric with the hope that some of it was true, but somehow today, they don’t work. I know he is in a “better place” but that doesn’t answer why he had to go through so much hell to get there. I try to understand that God’s ways are not ours and that He/She knows what is best, but right now I can’t make any sense out of it at all. 

Seems like every time a group of people get together anymore someone gets shot. Why not let some of those guys lose and arm or die at Christmas? When I finish walking through the platitudes I am left with only two thoughts that make sense. They don’t fully answer nor take away the questioning and the pain, but they give me a way to think through it as I grieve.

At one time I was pastor of a church very close to Oral Roberts University and became friends with Oral Roberts who also died this Christmas season. He and I did not agree on much but we were friends anyway. He produced a small plaque to give to his followers that said, “Something good is going to happen to you.” That really was his philosophy in life. I always wanted to put out one that said, “PS, so is something bad,” To me life is like a card game and fate deals the cards. That will bother some folks who want God to deal the cards and there to be some way to get Him to only deal good cards to those who follow Him. That works well until someone like Jim dies after thousands of prayers were offered. 

If fate deals the cards then a certain percentage of folks will develop cancer and the percentage will not change between good and bad people. 

God’s role is not to determine which cards we get, but to stand beside us and help us face whatever comes our way. That leaves a lot of loop holes unmet and questions not answered, but it is the only way I can make sense out of life.

The rest I leave to the future. My personal belief and hope is that there will come a day when we will understand and it will make sense. I cling to that with every fingernail I have, but the first day they have question and answer sessions in the next life, I will be on the front row with my hand up. 

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