A few weeks after my brother died, my sister-in-law called and said she did not know whether to laugh, cry, or just go check into the asylum as a person who had lost her mind. She said “I found my lamp. I have two brass lamps and one of them has been missing. I have searched all over the house and wondered how a lamp could just disappear. I found it a few moments ago. I had moved it to the den and was using it to read. I have turned it off and gone all over the house looking for it. They need to come and take me away. What is happening to my mind?” 

After we laughed and cried together I was able to explain that she was experiencing what I call “Brown Out” and it is a normal event along the grief journey. Grief comes in waves that overwhelm us. When a wave hits, our bodies secret Cortisol which makes our minds whirl like a gerble in a cage and we have a hard time concentrating. This seems to be a protective mechanism built into us that keeps our brains from being overloaded. The mind seems to protect itself from going out of control. 

At some point almost every grieving person will wonder if they are going crazy. Some will become convinced that they are already there. The mind whirls from one thought to the next. We cannot concentrate long enough to hold a conversation. We must read and then re-read everything we pick up. We cannot remember what to buy at the store no matter how vital or how small the list. Names and dates escape us. We seem to be walking zombies with no memories and little reasoning power. 

Gradually, as we cry and talk through the waves, the cotisol is absorbed and we seem normal again until the next wave and start the process all over again. Over time the waves get farther and farther apart and lose some of their intensity. The mind is no longer under attack and can gradually return to normal.

The good news is you are not going crazy. You are just experiencing the way the mind reacts to overload. Even better news is that this is not permanent. You will have a working brain again.

There are some things that help move the process along. 

First, recognizing this is a normal event and not reacting in panic can lesson the impact dramatically. When we react in panic or fear the feelings intensify the mind’s reaction and we spend far too much energy fighting ourselves and our feelings. One woman said it very well when she said she wrote on her mirror, “I will not “Should” on me today. The things we think we “should” think or feel seems to drive the process deeper and more intense. My sister-in-law did a very healing thing when she laughed at herself instead of giving in to sheer panic.

And of course it helps to talk. Saying it out loud makes it far less frightening. Having someone else know seems to reduce the fear. Hiding our fears and feelings always leads to them being intensified and more frightening. 

It also helps to write. It is hard to write logically or with very much length but writing orders the brain better than almost any other activity. The writing might be jumbled, but write anyway.

Do you have a story to share about something you experienced in one of your “brown outs?” If so I would love to hear it and you will be surprised how good it will feel to write it. 

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