She has a new grandson, born a few days ago and healthy in every way. She has been deeply involved in the life of her first grandson and now her son and daughter-in-law have added a brand new joy in her life. She could not be more pleased, but wonders why there is a hint of sadness and fear lurking very near the surface of her mind and heart.

Within the span of a few years, she has been through the sudden and tragic deaths of two deeply loved members of her immediate family. Her journey has been long and extremely hard to walk. The birth of the first grandson was a turning point in her journey. He gave her something to live for. She enjoyed the child with wonderful abandon and looked forward to being a part of his life and helping guide him each step of the way. The second pregnancy was welcomed as well. She hoped for a girl, but of course welcomed the prospect of another little boy to love. Why then did she feel a sense of foreboding? 

We talked about these feelings and, once again, I realized that most of what I know about grief I have learned from listening to the stories of people in grief. We decided that once someone has been bruised to the depths of their souls, any feelings or emotions can stir up the pain along with the joy. Once loved ones have been taken away from us, we live with the reality that it could happen again. Once our lives have been shattered in an instant we never feel like the ground we stand on is all that solid. 

I came into her life as the person she chose to walk with her through the grief journey. We long ago moved from that role to being long time good friends. We set aside time to visit with each other simply because we enjoy our conversations. It has been a wonderful learning experience for me. I have gotten to watch the long term impact of grief up close and personal. I have discovered a new need and a new role to play in the grieving process.

Long after the overpowering and dominant days we often think of as grief, there still remains a need for at least one place where feelings, that seem to be too strange to tell, can be shared and accepted. Feelings still come but, after a time,  the person knows the reaction from most folks will be, "Are you still dealing with that after all this time." Or they feel like they have been a burden to close friends and family members long enough and do not want to disturb them any more. In times like this, there needs to be at least one safe place.

So we shared the joy of a new grandson and talked about the wonder of it all. We rejoiced together, but we also talked about those feelings of fear and foreboding that seem to always lurk in those whose hearts have been so badly broken.

If you relate to this article, comments are more than welcomed.

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