This is my thirtieth year of writing and speaking about grief and aging issues. I have had and still do have an itch I cannot figure out how to scratch. Most of my speaking is done in meetings sponsored by non religious groups. My writing must be geared for such a wide audience that being nonsectarian is absolutely necessary. Since I spent thirty years of my life as a clergy person, I am constantly torn between the need to be broad enough to include everyone, and the desire to try to define the role of faith in the grieving process.

I am constantly confronted with the questions of faith when I talk with people privately after a speech is over, or when they correspond with me personally, but there is just no way to approach the subject with openness and honesty in the secular world I walk in. Unfortunately, most of the work done in the area of grief is sponsored by groups that must remain secular.  After all of these years, I still cannot understand why nearly all of the major religious groups do so little in this area. The structure of the meeting demands that I become an expert at almost saying something to avoid offending someone or of opening up a debate that no one could contain.

And yet, the questions of the faith seem to be right under the surface in almost every conference. Faith becomes the elephant in the room no one can talk about. I have participated in a few panels that were supposed to face the religious aspects of grief. But the panel members were selected to cover such a broad spectrum and the fear of offending was so great, the sessions became a contest of platitudes and clichés. 

I know that fools rush in where angels fear to tread and that anytime you open up a can of worms the only way to get the worms back in is to get a bigger can, but I want to scratch my itch. We are opening a new category of blogs called The Role Of Faith In Grief. I will write blogs I will call The Penultimate Word. Penultimate means the next to the last word. When it comes to the role of faith, no one has the last word. I certainly don't and hope you can accept my ideas as just that "My" ideas.

My great hope is that you will respond in the comment section following each article, and that we can build an open and honest dialogue together.

One thing I know. There will be widely held views, and experiences. I have talked to hundreds of folks who felt closer to God during their grief than any time in their lives. I have found others who felt like their prayers hit the ceiling and bounced back. We need to hear both kinds of stories and respond to each other in acceptance and love.

I am interested in the impact faith has on grief, but I am also interested in the impact grief has on faith. How did the experience change your view of God and the faith? Our sharing together can be a wonderfully healing experience for us all.

There will be some who want to turn the comment page into a preaching platform, of course, and others who will reject all but their own ideas. Somehow that kind of thing seems to almost dominate our religion. Everyone thinks their religion is right or they would not be following it. My hope is that we can believe ours is right without having to believe everyone else's is wrong.

So watch this space for some "penultimate words" and share your thoughts. Matter of fact, you can start the sharing right now. What questions do you have about the role of God and your faith as you walk the journey of grief?