 | The Dimensions of Grief
Thursday, March 28, 2013 | When I first started writing and speaking about grief, I was often asked which was the worst kind of grieving experience. My answer then was that grief only came in one size, extra large. It just hurts as much as it can hurt no matter the type of experience. In a way that . . . Read More
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| | Peeling an Onion Part 4: Reconstruction
Tuesday, October 30, 2012 | I call the last layer of the onion, reconstruction. I once called it recovery, but grief is not some disease we recover from. Grief never goes away completely. A chunk has been bitten our of our hearts and it will not grow back. We turn the corner in the way we cope, but the loss . . . Read More
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| | Peeling An Onion Part 3: A Time to React
Monday, October 1, 2012 | Grief is like peeling and onion, it comes off one layer at a time and you cry a lot. That is my favorite analogy of grief. I have talked about the first two layers in previous blogs . . . Read More
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| | Waiting for a Rainbow
Monday, July 16, 2012 | It seems to me that we hit bottom in our grief and then find something within ourselves to start us clawing our way back to toward the surface. I think the driving force for this turn varies with every individual... Read More
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| | Peeling an Onion Part 1: The Whirl
Thursday, June 28, 2012 | "I feel like I am in the eye of a hurricane, no movement, but everything and everybody is whirling around me in my quiet empty space." I have no words to explain the first part of the grieving process any better than that... Read More
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| | Peeling An Onion Part 2: When the Whirling Stops
Friday, June 1, 2012 | The first part of grief is a whirling cloud of emotions, pain, fears, and utter disbelief that leaves us feeling like we are in the eye of a hurricane waiting for the winds we know are coming and hoping we can survive. Unfortunately, the time does come when the whirling stops and reality lands to take over our entire being... Read More
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| | The Second Year
Monday, April 23, 2012 | When people ask how long grief last, the standard answer is at least two years. When we say that we do not mean you are going to hurt for the whole two years as much as you hurt the first months. The pain gradually... Read More
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| | Continuing The Journey
Friday, March 23, 2012 | In an earlier blog titled The Journey Of Grief I described grief as a journey from having your loved one right in front of your face, to their presence being more in the heart and in memories...
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| | When the Pain Subsides
Tuesday, July 5, 2011 | It has now been nine months since my wife died. The days of intense and constant pain have subsided to occasional waves of sadness and tears. There are times when I wonder where I am on the journey and if I am... Read More
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| | Sad or Depressed?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011 | It has been six months since my wife died. This anniversary passed almost without notice and then I felt guilty for not noticing. I have been up to my ears in alligators of late and somehow the date did not register. As would be expected, I have been... Read More
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| | Turning the Corner
Wednesday, February 16, 2011 | A friend of mine attended a funeral the other day. It happened to be the anniversary of her marriage and had her husband not died two years ago it would have been their fiftieth. As would be expected, that was a very... Read More
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| | Grief Delayed
Thursday, February 3, 2011 | I have often talked about what I call “The feel bad because you feel bad syndrome”. That happens when we have certain thoughts or feelings we do not recognize as normal and begin to think we should not think of feel the way we do. Then we begin... Read More
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| | Birthdays
Wednesday, January 19, 2011 | I have always known there is no such thing as “normal” on the grief journey. Everyone responds in their own way and with the intensity that fits their personality. Those who respond with great intensity and tears do not miss their loved one any more than... Read More
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| | Defining Grief
Monday, August 30, 2010 | When I first began trying to understand grief in the early 70’s, I read every book I could find. At that time I could only find three books. Prior to that time it seems no one bothered to study the grieving process much less write about it. I guess... Read More
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| | Cleaning Out the Closets
Monday, August 9, 2010 | One of the analogies about grief that I think sums up the experience the best is, “Grief is like peeling an onion, it comes off one layer at a time and you cry a lot.” I have used that in speeches and articles for years... Read More
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| | The Forgotten Ones
Friday, May 21, 2010 | I remember some group finally allowing me to speak about the grief following a miscarriage or a stillbirth. That was a rare experience since most people consider this minor grief that passes rather quickly. At the end... Read More
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| | When No One Calls
Wednesday, April 7, 2010 | This was written as a response to the blog titled The Waves Of Grief.
My husband died 3 mos. ago after a long illness. At this point, I don't care about anything. I don't want to cook or get out of the house. Some days, I consider good days where I can function and socialize. Today, a wave of grief hit. I guess it has to do... Read More
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| | A Series of Firsts
Monday, January 1, 0001 | I wrote a long time friend a letter today. The holiday seasons are approaching and her husband died earlier this year. It is far too soon after his death for her to know about grief and the holidays. She is already feeling a great deal . . . Read More
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| | Defining Grief
Monday, January 1, 0001 | We throw the word around so often in so many differing settings that perhaps a short thought about what grief really is might prove helpful. My definition of grief is . . . Read More
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| | This Fat Lady Never Sings
Monday, January 1, 0001 | I have observed for years that children grieve in segments related to their ages. If they lose a loved one when they are five, they work through the grief of a five year old. As they grow older then seem to pick it up... Read More
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| | Grief and the Holidays
Monday, January 1, 0001 | The grief journey forces us to experience everything for the first time all over again. It becomes a series of firsts. The first time you laugh again when you really thought you never would feel like laughing again. The first time you... Read More
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| | I Should Be Better by Now
Monday, January 1, 0001 | It seems like I get bombarded by folks who think they should be doing better with their grief than they are. I get that all of the time, but it seems to increase four fold at this time of the year. The holidays always seem to bring a wave... Read More
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| | Unspoken Agendas
Monday, January 1, 0001 | She enmeshed her life in the life and work of her husband. She did so willingly because that is how she was raised. The role of a wife was to support her husband and give herself to her children. She did so... Read More
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| | The Blooming Onion
Monday, January 1, 0001 | One of my favorite analogies of grief is that it is like peeling an onion; it comes off one layer at time and you cry a lot. That seems to sum it up about as well as anything I can imagine... Read More
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| | When the Heart Surrenders
Monday, January 1, 0001 | I have a wonderful friend named Paula Loring whom I consider to be the best leader of grief groups I know. She has a wonderful outline of the grieving process that I borrow from time to time... Read More
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| | When Even Joy is Scary
Monday, January 1, 0001 | She has a new grandson, born a few days ago and healthy in every way. She has been deeply involved in the life of her first grandson and now her son and daughter-in-law have added a brand new joy in her life. She could not be more pleased, but . . . Read More
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| | Deciding to Live Again
Monday, January 1, 0001 | There is no “cure” for grief. It is not something we get over and done with. A chunk has been bitten from your heart and it will not grow back. As I have said in these blogs, the best we can hope for is that the terrible pain you feel now will one day... Read More
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| | A Cut Finger
Monday, January 1, 0001 | I hope some of you read the comment to a recent blog written by a very sweet woman who read one of my books several years ago when her husband was killed in a car wreck. Talk about someone raining on my desert, she had some things to say... Read More
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| | When There is No One to Blame
Monday, January 1, 0001 | When there is no one to blame, you tend to blame yourself. A couple volunteered to drive me to an airport some ninety miles from where I was speaking. Their 24 year old daughter had died of suicide and they wanted to talk. For the first hour . . . Read More
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| | When a Baby Dies at Birth
Monday, January 1, 0001 | Our grandson Isaac was born on Christmas Eve and died on Christmas day. He only lived on earth for thirty-four hours. He has lived and will live in our hearts as long as we live. For thirty-three of the hours he lived, no one could . . . Read More
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| | The Waves of Grief
Monday, January 1, 0001 | There are no adequate analogies that can describe the pain of grief, so any effort toward doing so tends to trivialize the pain which is the last thing I want to do. Nothing can describe the pain, yet we need to draw... Read More
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