A few weeks ago I began walking with a family whose twenty four year old son died in his sleep with no known cause. Since this category of our blogs is written for those of you who are just beginning the long journey of grief, sitting in with this family might be a helpful way to describe what you too are feeling and give you some idea about the walk that lies ahead. 

Our first meeting took place the day after the funeral while the grief was both fresh and foreign. The pain in the room almost sucked all of the air away, and at the same time they really expected the door to open and him to stroll in at any moment. The first days of grief are a whirl. A thousand questions rush Pell mell through the brain. Reality hits briefly and then hides. There seemed to be two tracks running through the room. Part of the time they were wondering if the pain would ever stop or if they could survive. The rest of the time they were almost demanding that someone tell them why this happened. What caused it? Who is to blame? How could it have been avoided? And most of all why did such a wonderful young man have to die? 

The first thing they needed to do was tell their story. Each one spoke not only of how wonderful the young man was, but they all told where they were when they found out about his death, and what a horrific impact the news had on them. They talked about their relationship to him and how deep the loss would be. 

In the days ahead, when your mind is not jumping almost our of your head, we will explain the dynamics of what was happening in the room that night, but for now suffice it to say, the grief journey begins with you telling your story. The grief journey continues with you telling your story again and again. It does not begin with someone giving advice or words of comfort. It does not begin with bumbling efforts to answer questions that have no answer. The journey begins with your story. 

If you need a place to tell your story, please feel free to email me at doug977@gmail.com. It cannot take the place of telling it face to face to friends and family, but it can be a place where you can tell things you might not feel free to say in face to face encounters. 

Hopefully, as we walk together, you will fully understand the need and the healing power of all of this telling.