You are beginning a journey. Certainly not a walk in the park kind of journey. This journey will be long and treacherous. It will demand all of your will and strength and change every emotion, every thought process and every belief system you posess.
The journey begins in a whirl of emotions and thoughts that may leave you knowing the loss is real, but, at the same time, refusing to believe it actually happened.
The journey continues through the dark valley of facing reality, through periods when you just know you are loosing your mind, and times when you are reacting in ways that make everyone else think you are "not doing well at all." As your journey begins may I share some thoughts that might give you some hope and reduce the fear that some how you are not doing it right?
GRIEF IS A PROCESS
There is a natural process build within us that helps us deal with the losses and traumas in our lives. Grief is one of those processes. Although grief cannot be structured into a set pattern, it does have a natural progression built in that walks us from the loss toward learning to live again. Grief is God or nature's way of healing a broken heart. Understanding the process and allowing it to happen are two important keys to making the journey.
THERE IS NO NORMAL
Grief is as unique as a fingerprint. Everyone goes through grief in their own unique way and on their own schedule. There is no right way to grieve. There is no "normal" in grief. You must be free to grieve in a way that fits you. No one can tell you how you should feel or when you should feel it.
THE JOURNEY IS LONG
Most people think you should be almost well in three months and will be worried about you in six. I think it takes about two years for most of us to deal with the emotions and upheavals brought on by the loss of a loved one. There is nothing sacred about two years. Many people take much longer and I am sure there are some who work it out in less time. This does not mean you will hurt like you hurt right now for two years. Grief comes in waves that gradually get further apart and less and less intense. It also does not mean you ever really complete the journey. You may turn the corner in the way you cope with the loss, but a large chunk has been bitten out of your heart and it will not grow back. The best I can promise is the pain you feel right now will one day become a dull ache, but the ache will always lurk in the corner of your heart to remind you of a love that was lost.
GRIEF IS A JOURNEY
We move from seeing the person by sight
To seeing them in memories.
Memories are also in constant motion
At first they are too painful for endurance, and every memory breaks our hearts.
Memories gradually help us establish the significance of our love and of our loss
In time they become our most precious possession.
The ones that once hurt the most become the ones we never tire of telling.
Over time the memories wrap themselves around our being.
And our loved one is reborn inside of our hearts.
That is called the journey of grief.