As my mother began to show early symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease I bought a new car to make the long trip often to her home.  It was dependable, well equipped and marketed as the “Ultimate Driving Machine.”  But it had a feature I was ambivalent about. In the winter, wherever I was, I would suddenly hear a loud beep and the outside temperature device would flash 38 degrees, signaling that temperature was dropping and that icing might occur.  This meant “Slow down, be aware of road conditions and take action accordingly.”  But the warning struck fear and conflict in me: “If I slow down, I’ll be late; if I ignore this warning, results could be disastrous. I’m sure the roads are OK, so what’ the fuss about.”

Early symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease can be illusive, ambiguous and difficult to recognize.  Whatever else they are, early symptoms are threatening.  I remember well the first time an instinct deep within me raised a question about my mother’s mental changes.  I was visiting my parents in their home.  This was common; I was single and returned home for week-long stays two or three times a year and shorter visits in between.  These longer visits gave me ample time to observe frequent,atypical and disruptive memory challenges.  These three words describe distinct differences that seem to distinguish Alzheimer’s or other serious dementia from occasional, less alarming memory lapses.

In my mother’s case, I began to observe all of these distinctive changes, but one occurrence stands out vividly.  She left her house with her car keys and purse, but returned abruptly.  The expression on her face laid bare her fear.  She could not remember directions to the beauty shop -- her daughter-in-law’s shop where she had gone for many years. This incident illustrates an abnormal “type” of memory challenge and raised a flag flapping so wildly it should not have been ignored.  It was atypical.

Early changes we saw in our mother include taking repetitive doses of her medicine, losing weight without identifiable causes, avoiding social events, having trouble cooking a meal, showing irritability, refusing to bathe, experiencing  general memory problems, and exhibiting mild depression.

But how does a family respond to suspected early onset clues?  Thankfully, we have a defense function in our makeup that protects us from overreacting to mild aberrations in day-to-day living or to protect our egos in healthy ways.  But sometimes our defenses steel us against obvious signals meant to prompt us to positive actions, and we deny what we see and feel.

The same type of conflict I felt when my car alert sounded came into play every time I saw my mother attempt to take her medicine for the third time in one short period or display other uncharacteristic behaviors.  Denial is a strong defense and effectively defended me against a reality I needed to face.