Making medical decisons - Parent

Elder Care Forum Discussions Parent Making medical decisons

5/1/2008 10:11 AM

	Dave F
3 posts

Making medical decisons (United States)

My mom is 80. A few weeks ago she had a single masectomy. At first, the doctor told her that her follow-up treatment would be a pill that she would take for 5 years. My wife helped her do some research and mom was excited to know she wouldn't face radiation or chemotherapy.
In the first appointment with the oncologist she learned she is not a candidate for that treatment. And she would have the option of 12 weeks of chemo therapy. The big question is obvious: I'm 80, is it worth going through this? (The doc says without treatment there's a 35% chance cancer will return. With the treatment the likelihood falls to 20%.)
We've watched my wife's mother and sister go through chemotherapy. They were never the same. We want this to be mom's decision, but she is always asking what we think she should do. When I ask her what she thinks, she says, "I'll guess I'll do it. I don't think I really have a choice."
What should we do?

5/1/2008 11:26 AM

	Doug
12 posts

Re: Making medical decisons (United States)

I think you are doing the right thing by being sure it is her decision. Too often they feel a great deal of pressure from the family. We want them to live as long as they possibly can, so we push for the treatment if there is a chance at all. Often that pressure is not spoken but still felt by the loved one.

I would suggest that great care be given to insure that she really feels free to make the decision either way. When she says, "I don't have a choice" she may be saying that she does not feel free to refuse the treatments and needs some re-assurance that either way she decides will be fine with the family. She needs to know that you love her and want to keep her every moment possible, but you do not want to cause her to suffer or take away any quality of life in the days she has.

5/13/2008 1:00 PM

	Wade
8 posts

Re: Making medical decisons (N/A)

Dave, I think Wayne offers great advice. What mother may be saying is "I have to do this for the family." It is hard to know what motivates any of us, much less someone facing a decision like this. You are right on track by giving her the freedom to make the choice, and accepting her decision. I will remind you that Chemo is not like a "contract". If one starts the treatment and it makes them too ill, they can stop the treatment. They should have the freedom to do this.

5/18/2008 6:51 AM

	Lou
22 posts

Re: Making medical decisons (N/A)

So, Dave F, what did mom decide? This would be tough. i had never really thought about it like Wade mentioned... that you don't have to keep going if the chemo is making you too sick... I guess I always thought that if you started, you kept going to the end. Good to know there is some wiggle room.

5/29/2008 9:16 AM

	Dave F
3 posts

Re: Making medical decisons (United States)

Mom has decided to go forward with the treatments. I'm not surprised. She loves life and doesn't want to miss out on anything that's going on. The guidance of Doug and Wade has been right on for mom and the rest of us.

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