My parents married much later in life than I did. The depression meant people married when and if they found a way to make a living. My father was thirty-two when I was born. He was fifty-three when I married. This means it works out for my generation that just about the time our children leave for college we began facing the care of our parents. The Second World War may create the same effect on the Baby boomers. They call this the Sandwich Generation. A woman in a conference in Atlanta took issue with that title. She said it is the Bridge Generation, you feel like you are being walked on from both ends,

It may sound trivial to talk about this, but it isn't trivial at all. We love our children, but we look forward to the day when they go out in the world to make their own lives. Someone has said that life begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies. As I understand it, the current generation of children are staying in the home much longer than those of the past. This makes the issue that much more prevalent and more problematic. We look forward to finally getting the parenting tasks behind us, having a dollar or so in our pockets, so we can buy an RV and see the places we have always dreamed of seeing. I am convinced that a large number of the RVs in our world are sitting idle waiting while we give long-term care to aging loved ones.

Don't get me wrong, we want to give care. We love them and certainly feel an obligation to give back some of the care they gave to us, but that doesn't mean there is not a sense of regret about the RV sitting idle. That does not mean we will not feel at least some sense of being burdened by the care. It's time to party and we have to stay home and baby-sit.

There was a time when deciding to give care to an aging loved one was a commitment of a very few years. We did not have the miracles of modern medicine so, most of the time, loved ones under care only lived a year or so. It is a much longer commitment now. I saw some statistics that said, "A female born today will spend one year longer taking care of her parents than she will her own children." That is scary to some folks who have thirty-year-old kids still living at home. Being sandwiched is more than a temporary inconvenience and should be approached with an open mind and full knowledge of all that is involved. Too often people enter these kinds of relationships without thinking through the issues and then find themselves "sandwiched" in a situation with no way out.  

There can also be a financial burden involved. Getting kids through college is a tremendous financial strain on most families. Far too often the parents are not prepared for the real cost of aging. Very few have long-term care insurance. Many have minimal retirement benefits and have no way to meet the continually rising cost of health care.

And there is the time involvement. Going to doctors seems to be a full time job for most seniors today. I never go to a doctor's office that I do not see several people there as chauffeurs and companions to a parent. Many of these folks are missing their own work in the process.

Knowing all of this does not make being in the sandwich generation any easier nor relieve the burden. Knowing it can at least make you feel more normal. You are not the only one who feels walked on from both ends. Nor the only one to feel harried and burdened in the process.

Knowing this is not a major reason for choosing some means of long-term care, but it qualifies as one of the reasons and is certainly a legitimate one. We have become a much busier world than the one our parents enjoyed. A majority of homes now have two people involved as bread winners. It has become very hard to live and educate children on one salary. Even after the children are gone, the need for a decent retirement keeps both parents employed. In the current world of very little job security, this becomes even more acute. This has to have an impact on the long-term care decisions we make for the care of our aging loved ones.

On the surface it looks like this generation has their priorities messed up and does not love their parents as much as they did in the old days. We can beat ourselves over the head with such thoughts, but, the fact remains that we live in a different day with totally different needs and demands. This inevitably impacts how we give care to aging loved ones. Fortunately these needs have lead to the development of a broad range of care facilities unheard of when our parents faced the decisions of long-term care. These facilities are not perfect but they are greatly advanced in the services offered and the methods of care used.

I am seventy-nine years of age. I look at my children and stand in awe at how involved they are with their families, their jobs, and their social lives. I never want them to feel like they are sandwiched or walked on by me. I don't look forward to living in any kind of care facility. But if the choice is to do so or become a burden on my children, sign me up for a room and show me how to play dominoes.