I have a dear friend who is in his eighties but does not know it. His mind is as sharp as it was the first time I met him forty years ago, and that is very sharp indeed. He has been active in national organizations, on the board of directors of several important corporations, served on the board of regents for a major university, and has the longest running radio show in history. His “Old Philosopher” show has not missed a day in more years than I can count.

I happened to be in his city recently and dropped by to see him. His wife died a few years ago and his health is not good so he now lives in the assisted living wing of a retirement/nursing home. He is still able to get to the station every morning to do his program, but most of his time is spent in rehab and making phone calls from his room. 

I wondered how he would ever adapt to this new world that now must be his home. I found him in his usual good humor telling wonderful stories that mostly make fun of himself. We talked for just a few moments and then he said, “Doug, I am about to go crazy in here,” I braced myself for an onslaught about the care, or the food, or some other issue from the normal complaint list, but he surprised me. He said, “I am in prison with all these old people. If I have to sit through one more meal and hear about the depression and the dust bowl I think I will just die.” That is all these folks seem to know how to talk about. Did their minds just die in the past? At least they should be able to get up to the second world war, but the depression?” That is called being lonely in a crowd.

His case is far more typical than we realize. Some folks allow their minds to petrify with age and seem to live in the past. Some seem to figure out a few phrases they can use in conversation and use them over and over and expect us to think they are cute every time. But there are many others whose minds remain alive and in the present. They utilize the information age to the fullest and are up to date in most every area. The mixture of the mentally alive and those living in the past creates a great deal of the unhappiness in care facilities. Some want to spend the rest of their lives playing Bingo while others want to discuss the current crisis in the world. 

I have a new friend whose wife died a few months ago. He told me he had found a retirement facility and was going to move in right away. I think he needs such a place, but I  urged him not to sell his home for a few months just to be sure he liked the place after he moved. I did not want to go into details with him nor sound negative so I did not tell him the real reason for the delay. I wanted him to have time enough to see if he is compatible with the other residents there. He has already declared quite vehemently that he did not want to just sit and play checkers with a bunch of old people. 

All of this leads me to one of my soap boxes. We need to figure out ways to help keep minds alive long after bodies fail. When I still served as pastor of a church, the large retirement/nursing home in town asked some pastors to speak in a vesper service on a regular basis. At first I did what would be the expected thing. I gave little devotionals mostly about heaven. It seems we think that is all old people are interested in, that we just sit around waiting to die and that is our only interest. After a few sessions, I dropped the heaven stuff and started talking about what was happening in the world. I told them where I was going to speak and then brought home antidotes about the trips. They came alive. I did not realize it but I was becoming their connection with the outside world. To that extent I was keeping their minds alive. I became convinced that minds die because we allow them to die. Facilities need to stop majoring on bingo and organize discussion groups around interesting subjects. 

The family is the real key in this quest. Too often we don’t know what to talk about so our visits are short and mostly about the weather or the complaints about care. We are the connection to the outside world for our loved ones. We can do a great deal to keep their minds alive and in the present by simply telling them what is going on in the family in as much detail as possible. Developing some project to work on that demands they use their minds as well as their hands. Discuss politics even if they disagree with your position. Discuss interesting TV programs and  be sure they have the ability to record programs and that they know how to use the machine. So many of the programs that would help keep their minds alive happen after they go to bed at night. Remember they are hearing the same old tired stories about the depression at every meal, when we bring then into the present for a while, we help keep their minds alive.

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Doug invites you to log in and post comments at the end of each blog entry. He looks forward to hearing from you. Any of Doug's books, CDs or DVDs are available at www.InSightBooks.com.