My mother-in-law fully intended to move into a retirement facility in the city were we lived. It took her a while to get mentally ready for such a drastic move and then there were various delays that extended the process even further. Then her health broke and the retirement facility was no longer an option. I suggested that she move into our home. I had always promised both sets of parents that they would never go to a nursing home; as long as I was alive and able to care for them, they were to live in our home. So we moved her into our house.

I thought the problem of her care and her well being was taken care of and that she had everything she needed. Somehow I missed one very vital ingredient to a happy existence. She had no social life and no way to build one. She had always been an almost hyperactive participant in the business of life. She knew most of the people in her small town; had played the organ at her church for years. She had taught school long enough to teach the grandchildren of some of her students. Not much happened in her town without her presence and interest. 

Suddenly she was in a strange town, too ill to get out of the house for more than doctor's visits; did not know anyone except family and my wife and I both worked outside the home. After one week in my home she called me aside and told me this was not going to work. She was miserable and had no idea why. Unfortunately, her health deteriorated further and she was hospitalized for heart surgery. She moved from the hospital to a nursing facility and died a few months later. 

I still regret the way her life ended. If I had known then what I know now, I would have encouraged her to move to the retirement facility much earlier than any of us thought necessary. I would have wanted her there while she still had time to build herself a new social life. I now see that as one of the most important issues in caring for aging loved ones. Matter of fact that is the most important thing any care facility can offer. People need friends and social interaction to live healthy and happy lives. Far too often we delay the long term care decision until they are too old and ill to find and interact with friends.

I am walking with a family now whose father is in his late eighties. He still drives his car some and can take care of himself with the help of one of his daughters. The family knows he will one day need more care and assume he will move in with his daughter. She is willing for him to do so and that seems to be the perfect answer. Except, her home is isolated on the far edge of town and he will not be able to drive much longer. The only social life he has now is a daily visit to a lady friend who has Alzheimer's and does not know him when he comes. He goes anyway, I think because that is all the socializing he has. It is my opinion that a move to an assisted living center very soon would be the most healthy thing he could do. There he would find new friends and new activities to enjoy. 

Of course the family feels good about caring for him in their home, but sometimes what feels good for the family ends up feeling very bad for the aging loved one. Any move that does not allow for socialization can and probably will end up as a very lonely existence just waiting for the end. 

My experience leads me to put socialization very high on the list of priorities for aging loved ones. 

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