I am watching a dear friend blow it at the end. He has had a wonderful relationship with his four daughters all of their lives. Matter of fact, I would call it a remarkable relationship in almost every way. He has had great fun with his grandchildren as well. He has the means and the desire to take the whole group on wonderful vacations and has been noted for his rascally sense of humor with both children and grandchildren. He is as loved by his family as any man I know. 

Then he fell and broke enough bones to force a rather long hospital and rehab center stay. The tantrums he threw and the demands he made on both his wife and his children left them shocked and dismayed. After his return home, the tantrums have continued. He has refused to pay for the nursing needed to give his wife some relief. His children live in the same state but not the same city and are not free to be enough help. The wife has not been willing to, "Have people in her home and underfoot" as she calls it, even though she is so upset by the tension and care giving she weeps as she talks.

He went through a battery of test to see what has caused his personality to change so dramatically. We are waiting and hoping it has been caused by a reaction to medication or some other explainable cause that can be at least helped. We need some explanation besides that he had just got old and cranky. My fear is that all the good stuff will be forgotten and he will be remembered by the last few months or years of his life. That he will be seen as a great burden rather than as a great life.

That scares me. I turn 77 next week. My friend is only a couple of years older than I. My great fear is that I will blow it at the end. Too few of us finish well. I want to be one who does. I have given a great deal of thought to what I must do to accomplish that feat. I am sure I don't have all of the answers but the ones I have thought of are:

I HOPE TO ACCEPT MY LIMITATIONS AS THEY COME. This is probably my last year to drive my car. Macular Degeneration is gradually making safe driving more and more difficult. The only way I can really function now is if my wife is in the front seat with me helping me see what I might miss and reading road signs. Her eyes are also getting dim so we are faced with a major change in our lives. I don't know how I will function without driving. The thought of having to do so is depressing to say the least. No matter how hard it will be, I hope I can face reality and respond with good grace and humor. The dread of not driving is not as great for me as the dread of being a sour and depressed old man my children have to put up with,

I HOPE TO LISTEN MORE AND TALK LESS. As we grow older we tend to tell longer and longer stories, most of which are not relevant or interesting to anyone but us, and we tell them over and over. I hope I can avoid some of that. The main way I am going to try is to focus more and more on hearing others instead of what I am going to say when I get the floor.

I HOPE I CAN TALK ABOUT SOMETHING BESIDES AILMENTS AND DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS. I don't need to elaborate. Listening to us old folks talk is like reading the physicians list in the yellow pages. 

I HOPE TO ADD A NEW PRAYER. I have prayed The Lord's Prayer almost every morning for the past ten years. I think I will add one phrase at the end. Lord give me the joy to appreciate life, the humor to see the fun all around me, and the wisdom to know when to just shut up and finish well. 

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