I am convinced that grumpy slips up on us just like getting old does. We grow more and more negative but it seems like we are just being realistic and that things really are worse than they were just a few years ago. We have no way of knowing if moral values have disappeared or if modern day media coverage of everything anyone does or says just makes it seem like things have gone to the dogs. I now lock the bathroom door for fear I might show up on You Tube sitting on the pot. 

Some of my very best friends are growing more and more pessimistic and judgmental by the day. Where once I enjoyed being with them and came home laughing and telling stories, now it takes me about three days to get over the depression of a single afternoon in their presence. Nothing is good, nobody is doing anything right. Even the basketball team sucks and they are 20 and 2. 

I watched my father go from being one of the most loved and most delightful human beings I ever knew to a sullen and angry old man who could not adapt to any changes or enjoy anything. The fact that he had no idea he had changed made the experience even worse for all of us, and must have made his days a miserable drudgery. 

I finally felt like I had to figure out what was causing such a change in this delightful man. It took all the nerve I could muster but I finally confronted him. I told him that I was having a hard time being around him and did not understand why. I found out he was having a hard time being around me and did not understand why. Over time I began to understand. He was gradually losing control of his life and did not know who to blame or what to do about it. His anger focused mostly on me but some spilled out on life its own self.

Aging is the gradual loss of control. We can no longer be the sole captain of our own ship. Age and health determine where we live and what we do with most of our time. Where once we could move in freedom now each week’s activities must be scheduled around doctor's appointments. If we live in a retirement center or nursing facility, the timing of our meals determine when we get up every morning, when and what we eat, and who we eat with. Regimen begins to govern our lives. 

Looking back I see some things I could have done to help my father cope with these changes. The first thing that comes to mind is I could have been more careful and made sure I did not take over his life. We should not do anything for a loved one that they can do for themselves even if they ask us to do so. I learned my lesson with my father and practiced it with my mother. She asked me to go get her car tag and I said, "I will be glad to take you to get it." 

I could have helped my father maintain his independence. My mother had a car until she died. I made her promise she would not drive it and I prayed every day that she would keep her promise, but I wanted her to have a car. Nothing gives a sense of independence like a set of wheels. 

I could have listened to my father instead of doing so much explaining. He chose to move to Texas to be near us. We stayed out of that decision but when he had a hard time adjusting to the move, he seemed to blame me. No one ever really listened to his reasons for being unhappy, everyone either jumped on him and told him he was living where he needed to live and should hush and enjoy it, or they explained once again that he had made the decision to move and so it was his fault. Those are not the words they used but that is what it sounded like to him. 

No one ever took the time to hear how it felt to move from a small town where everyone knew and loved him, to a place where he was a nobody. He became my father instead of the loved and respected position he once enjoyed. No one heard the grief of that loss. We were too busy explaining and arguing.

So here I am facing my 77th birthday and realizing I too must gradually lose control of much of my life. I hope I will see it coming. I dream of finishing well. I dread the idea of my being a sour and sad old man. Humor has been such a vital part of my life. I would give almost anything to know that I will be telling jokes as I go out. But, I have seen enough to know that I will need some help along that journey. Someone to listen and understand. Someone to be sure I have every ounce of independence possible. 

May I also hope that someone like me will read this, take a long look at how grumpy they are becoming and reach out to find help in the struggle. May I also hope that someone will read this and go listen to their parents with newfound understanding.

Your comments will be welcomed and helpful.