When I was in my forties, I spent a week working with a man who was as old then as I am now. One day he said almost in passing, "Doug, if you don't die young, you are going to grow old." He repeated that statement several times during the week. I thought he was declaring the obvious as if it were something new. Now that I am there, that statement resonates in ways I wish it had when I was forty. He was telling me that old age is a reality that we need to prepare to face. Far too often, and certainly in my case, we let it slip up on us until we are shocked one day to realize while we lived in denial and never noticed, we got old.

I don't think we should be morbid or even negative in our outlook on aging, but I do think we need to see it coming and make some adjustments as it happens. Far too many of us end up bitter when most of the things we love seem to have disappeared in a flash of poor health or sudden loss. I don't want to be a bitter old man. I certainly don't want my children dreading to be around me because I am no longer pleasant to deal with and can talk of nothing except what is wrong with me, what doctors I am seeing, what medication I am taking, and how little everyone seems to care. I think there are some things I can do and some attitudes I can develop to insure that I don't end up being a problem my children have to deal with instead of a person they want to be around. May I share my plan with you?

I INTEND TO FIGHT WHAT I CAN FIGHT

Aging is a series of losses. Some are sudden and dramatic, some are things that gradually fade away. I am losing my eyesight. I have macular degeneration and there is no cure. I can no longer read my notes when I speak. I can no longer really read a newspaper or a book. But, I can learn to use the computer to help me in more and more ways. I can make a program that shows my speaking notes to me in large print so I can read them and continue speaking. I have learned how to use the computer to keep up with the news I once found in newspapers. I can even buy almost any book I want and read them through my computer or one of the new e-book readers. All that takes is for me to get over my fear of the computer and realize I am not going to push some button and make the world go away or sell one of my children.

I am losing my hearing, but the modern hearing aids are amazingly effective and comfortable. I watched my mother struggle with the old ones that never seem to do anything except whistle for everyone but her to hear, so I dreaded this day I would be forced to wear one. They put them on me one morning and I forgot I was wearing them by noon. Even if this were not so. Even if they were still as bad as they once were, I would still have them in my ears.  I remember how uncomfortable it was for the family to try to communicate with her and I intend to do everything I can and deal with any discomfort I have to in order to avoid my family dreading having to talk to me. Nothing is as bad as that. 

I AM GOING TO PARTICIPATE

The hardest loss and the toughest transition we face is the loss of control. Other people will be making decisions for and about me. Someone else will determine where I live, when and what I eat, and almost every other aspect of my life. As I see it, I have two choices here. I can fight it and be stubborn until the family has to take me by force, or I can start the process myself and be a participant. I chose the latter. My wife and I have organized family meetings where we discuss our futures together. We have had the chance to make our wishes known. We have invited the children to become fully knowledgeable about our finances and health conditions. I have turned the business over to them and gradually moved out of the decision making process there. We ask them to keep us informed as to how we are doing. Changes come so gradual we may not actually know when we need to stop driving the car or make some other change in our life style. They will still end up being our parents, but we will have had a great deal of say in that process and hopefully will be much more at peace and still be someone they want to be around. 

There is a book in my bathroom titled OLD AGE AIN'T FOR SISSIES, which is certainly true, but it doesn't have to be for grouches does it? I am convinced the difference is up to me.