 | Communicating With Us Hard Headed Old Men
Thursday, July 08, 2010 | They can’t seem to get through to him no matter what they say or who says it. He cannot drive but he slips off and drives his pickup around the farm. He is either hitting trees or ditches the whole time. He cannot walk without help but he tries... Read More
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| | Family Meeting
Tuesday, February 23, 2010 | I cannot number the times I have sat with families while they tried to make very difficult and sometimes life and death decisions about an aging loved one and all they could do was guess. Nor can I count the times I have walked a totally unprepared family through... Read More
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| | Some Questions to Ask Ourselves
Monday, December 21, 2009 | Is there anything worse or harder to reconcile than a squabble between an aging parent and a grown child? I remember spending more time than anyone should have... Read More
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| | I Am Becoming Her Parent
Monday, November 16, 2009 | A response to a recent blog said. “My mom lives with my husband and I, and we are having difficulty because she has just enough dementia that she needs help with some of her decisions. She is very... Read More
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| | Someone Who Has Been There
Monday, November 02, 2009 | When we walk a new and scary road, nothing feels better than discovering someone who has already walked it. That means we too... Read More
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| | The Battle for Independence
Friday, October 09, 2009 | I do as little instant analysis as possible. I learned a long time ago that when someone tells me the whole story, I know exactly one half of a whole story. There is always another side. I broke my own rule Read More
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| | The Positive Side of Care
Wednesday, August 05, 2009 | One of the ten commandments promises a long life to those who honor their parents. I don't know whether that means we will live longer if we give care to them in their old age or if it will just seem longer. The truth is, we can get so caught up . . . Read More
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| | The Grief of Transitions
Monday, July 27, 2009 | My parents moved to a retirement center in the city where I lived. They did so without any pressure or even suggestions from my wife and me. They recognized they needed to be near one of their children and both . . . Read More
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| | Understanding Us Old Folks
Tuesday, June 02, 2009 | Both of my in-laws died at age seventy-eight. That was over thirty years ago and, at the time, I thought both of them were elderly. They did not seem to be as old as I thought people that age were when I was younger, but they certainly qualified . . . Read More
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| | Still Surprised
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 | I started writing and speaking about caring for aging loved ones about thirty years ago. I have no idea how many speeches I have given nor how many people have heard my presentations. In almost every instance . . . Read More
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| | Bill of Rights for Caregivers: Part III Face to Face
Tuesday, March 10, 2009 | I have spent the last twenty five years traveling over the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand talking about grief and elder care issues. I did about sixty stops per year for one large nursing home company speaking to families who were facing long term care decisions. I can not remember one stop along the way . . . Read More
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| | The Timing Gamble
Tuesday, March 03, 2009 | He is eighty-nine and still able to drive his car enough to take care of the few activities he chooses to participate in. He lives in his house with a middle-aged daughter who is going through a divorce but will certainly remarry in the not too distant future. He has no social life beyond . . . Read More
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| | A Bill of Rights for the Primary Caregiver: Part II
Monday, February 23, 2009 | A nurse attended one of my meetings several years ago. She had to leave to catch a plane before the meeting ended, but she left me a copy of a book she had written. She was terminally ill and had experienced the medical maze up close and personal. The title of her book was If You Want To Know If You Are Dying, Ask The Cleaning Lady. . . Read More
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| | No One Lives at Home Anymore
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 | When constant care became necessary for my grandfather, his two daughters moved into his house and nursed him for five years. They became the heroines of my family. We honored them as long as they lived and still refer to them in almost hushed tones. They gave so much. Looking back, I think they paid . . . Read More
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| | A Bill of Rights for the Primary Caregiver: Part I
Monday, January 19, 2009 | As I have traveled around speaking about aging issues, I have discovered some surprising truths. First: If families are ever going to have conflict it will probably happen around the care of aging loved ones. Even wonderfully . . . Read More
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| | Caring From a Distance
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 | When constant care became necessary for my grandfather, his two daughters moved into his house and nursed him for five years. They became the heroines of my family. We honored them as long as they lived and still refer to them in almost. . . Read More
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| | Get It In Writing
Tuesday, November 11, 2008 | Her story is a composite of hundreds I have heard and tried to unravel over the years. After her father died, they helped her mother buy a small house next door to theirs. Neither her sister nor her brother were involved in this transaction and no one objected to the deed. . . Read More
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| | Longer Lives - Longer Care
Tuesday, October 07, 2008 | I was roped into appearing on one of the Religious Television shows to talk about my book When Love Gets Tough: The Nursing Home Decision, I had no idea what I was getting into nor what position the evangelist in charge would take on the issues . . . Read More
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| | Who Gets Mother?
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 | Nothing can bring a smoldering family squabble to the surface faster than having to make a decision about caring for an aging parent. A doctor referred a family to me a few weeks ago. The mother is 86 and has lived around and with her daughter and son-in-law for many years. This couple is facing a job change that will require their moving to a new city . . . Read More
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| | Mother Is Not Happy
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 | A deeply worried couple called to tell me how miserable the wife's mother seemed to be. They thought the problem was the nursing home, but could not put their finger on any one thing the mother did not like about the place...
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| | What Am I suppose To Feel?
Monday, June 09, 2008 | As soon as I finished my speech a woman said she was going to hug my neck and then tell me why she did it. She said, "My mother and my husband are here in this nursing home. Both have Alzheimer's...
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| | Why Mother Won't Move
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 | The Scenario: Her husband died a few years ago. She lives alone in a small town with no family living nearby. There was a time when at least one of her children would still live in the area, but our society has become far too scattered for that to happen with any great regularity. She has one child living in a large city at least an hour away... Read More
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| | The Unblessed Child II
Tuesday, April 15, 2008 | In our first session on this subject, we talked about how the unblessed child is most likely to become the primary caregiver to aging parents...
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| | The Unblessed Child I
Monday, February 18, 2008 | I remember a phone call from a most distraught woman telling how guilty her mother made her feel. After she had talked through a litany of harsh things her mother has said, times when she had been hurt... Read More
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| | When Explanations Fail
Sunday, February 17, 2008 | I spent quite a long time listening to a whole litany of complaints and anger coming from the mouth of one of the sweetest women I know...
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